Of backwards swan dives, mind melds, and "team bonding" activities

Monday April 5th 2020

Day 4672 of working from home.  Wait, what's that? ... I've been informed that I know darn well this is only day 21 of working from home and to quit being melodromatic.  😒

ANYWAY.
Today, my 8lb warrior of a co-worker, he of the snaggly teeth, fierce disposition and carrying knives in his boots, was stretched across my clavicles, pressing himself against my throat and under my chin, to ensure maximum contact for petting purposes.  This state of affairs persisted for quite some time, when out of nowhere- no warning given, no hint whatsoever- he hurled his crazy little self backward in some kind of insane backdive, somehow landing right in the crook of my arm, between my body and the arm of the couch.  This seemed to be his goal, because he stayed happily wedged there for the next hour, requiring belly rubs.  This whole situation of course intefered with my productivity, but HR turns a blind eye to whatever crazy this little lunatic comes up with. So I document...(CYA and all that)

Tuesday, April 6, 2020
Day 22 of working from home
11:15am
A member of the security team is attempting to undermine my diligent efforts to stay on-task and be productive. (Yes, yes, I was on FB, but I was on my school's Drama Club account.  I was participating in our online efforts to keep the kids engaged and aware that we are still thinking of them. I needed a break from trying to make Google Docs of the last 2 acts of Shakespeare's Othello via NoFear Shakespeare- and yes I got permission from them, I'm a dork like that).  I still need to finish creating a Google Doc for at least one more scene of the play so I can get it uploaded. But he is using his incredible mind melding powers to convince me to go outside and pratice throwing things.  Mind you, he never brings them back-- just happily bounds after the thrown object, nudges it with his nose, looks at me as if to say "Yep! There it is! Right there, see?!?" and happily bounds back to me, sans object.😒 I ask you...  But I digress. He's giving me those "puppy dog eyes"(there're reasons that term has become idiomatic!) and imploring me to please, PLEASE take them OUTSIDE or he just may EXPIRE  from abject MISERY. Right there in my chair. And THEN how will I feel about my choices?

This is a lot of pressure.  It's hardly fair, given the headaches I have subjected myself to trying to reach parents and students, field questions about their online work, learning new programs to facilitate posting online work... I don't need this pressure from our security department. The Head of Security is no help at all.  I honestly think she enourages him.

Wednesday April 7
12:30am
The Head of Security is in the bathtub.  This storm with it's nonstop rolling thunder has proven more than she can cope with at this moment. Poor baby. It really is one humdinger of a storm.  The thunder has rolled literally nonstop for the past half hour. I've never experienced a storm like it.  And I mean literally- it's like an actual drumroll with no breaks between one clap of thunder and the next. I don't think we need to share this with HR, so we'll keep it just between us, m'kay?

5:34pm
I am just finishing my school work for the day.  My coworkers were uncharacteristically quiet most of the day.  I had two work related phone calls, and only had to use the mute feature a few times.  They even (mostly) held it together when the mail lady came! I mean, sure, some of my smaller colleagues have been licking my toes or my shin here and there, and as usual there is much loafing around and sleeping on the ottoman or couch, but they haven't been yelling out the windows(as much) nor arguing with one another. Maybe HR is making some headway! Will wonders never cease?  I think I'm going to take the whole office outside for some Team Bonding activities.

6:00 pm
I am not sure if this is what HR had in mind when they told me we needed "Team Bonding".  Are aimless running around, yelling ferociously at passersby, or digging under fences HR approved activities?  I need to check the policy manual.  I'm fairly certain that full body contact at speed is discouraged, but these workers just don't seem to care. It's also being made obvious that the new(ish) guy, Smokey Joe, is not yet adept at "working well with others." That said, he's not biting his coworkers as often these days, so that gives me at least something positive for his personnel file.

I'd love to hear from any readers about how things are going with their coworkers during this work from home situation!

Emma- one of the three dogs behind this blog name

Emma was a wolf mix rescued from a high-kill shelter.  It was pre-facebook- I'd gotten a chain e-mail asking for help for a 2-3yr old female GSD. It was a 2 hour drive, my car was in the shop, and we didn't pull dogs from that far away... My friend Kimberly came and got me, we piled all our dogs in her car, and off we went. I knew at first glance this was not a purebred GSD, but nothing was keeping me from bringing her home.  Figured out later that she was part wolf, which gave me an excuse to keep her.

I know this is a long post, but this story is the best one I have to try to share how deeply special Emma was.  I lost her on 4/5/2014. 6 years..The body is a post I wrote on a degenerative myeleopahy support group,on 7/22/08:

When I adopted Emma, it was with the knowledge that she was showing (at age three) some preliminary signs of DM, and she had bone issues in both front elbows(from what she went through before I got her) so I took her in knowing that she probably would end up in wheels(quad) down the road.

Emma was only with me 2 & 1/2 months when she and Starr passed their TDI(Therapy Dog International) certifications. On one of our school visits(a school with a large special needs population), we gave our talk in the cafeteria, where the kids and dogs could move around and visit. One of the things we were asked to discuss is what the rescue does, and the "backstory" on both my girls. Emma had been deemed "unadoptable" and was literally less than 24 hours from euthanasia when I pulled her from the shelter. Why? Because she limped some. I didn't tell the kids the why, just that she had been on death row...

One of the little boys(maybe 8 or 9) had a walker with 4 wheels on it. His legs were VERY crooked and his balance very wobbly. He had thick glasses that rode down on his nose( so he had to kind of tilt his head funny to look up at you), a mop of curly hair I just wanted to ruffle, and the world's sweetest smile. He stood silently watching Emma for a while during the free time, then said to me: "That dog, she walks kind of funny huh." I said, yes she does! He wanted to know why. I tried to put it in 8yr old terms. "The bones in her legs are a little crooked and chipped, so that makes her limp. But that doesn't make her any less wonderful, she is happy and likes to play, and I think she's pretty darn special and I love her very much!" He thought about that for a long moment, looking right into my eyes, then added very matter of factly "kinda like me, huh."... WOW. What do you say to that? I managed to choke out "Yep! Kind of like you!"

Emma chose that moment to come over and shove her head under this boy's armpit and give him kisses. He let go of his walker with one arm, and put it around Emma, and she supported him with his arm over her back while they visited. I think about how this kid would have responded to Joker, had I been able to get him certified...

Those of you who bring your dogs out into the world, who introduce them to people, you are all helping break down barriers- whether you realize it or not. When kids see our dogs in wheels, it opens a door for them to ask questions they may not think it is OK to ask about people. It opens eyes, not just for the kids, but in adults too. It's an incredible thing.

Of licking walls and drooling on keyboards...

April 1, 2020   
Day 16 of Working from Home (Day 12 if one is only counting business days, but I'm a teacher, so, I typically work weekends)

I spent much of yesterday and three hours already today(it's only 10am) attempting to learn New Techy Things in my quest to better help my students while schools are closed for this pandemic.  I'm not all that tech savvy, so am at neither my least frustrated, nor most serene at the moment.  My coworkers are exceptionally noisy this morning, adding to my lack of serenity(now if I was ON the Serenity... but I digress). Their obstreperous behavior notwithstanding, I have been informed that I am not, at this juncture, allowed to turn them all into fur rugs and/or wall hangings.  I'm going to revisit that with HR if things don't change here soon.

The youngest of my collegues has noticed my growing irritation, and has chosen to "help" by sticking her head over the top of my laptop, and drooling down the screen, while wiggling her whole body at approximately 90 miles per hour.  This is not as much help as one might suppose. That notwithstanding, she is so eager and happy about, well, everything,  I am loathe to nail her in the nose with the squirt bottle(just water people, just water, and she likes to try to catch the water anyhow), so I am attempting to distract her from her mission via belly rubs and kisses on the nose. So far so good; she is no longer trying to climb on the table, and my screen is remaining noseprint and drool free.

My oldest coworker is currently trying to lick my toes. It seems to be diverting him from yelling at our other officemates(usually for no discernible reason), and he is small enough that he is not knocking the table around, so I'll let it go for now.  Another one of my office staff is currently on the back of the sofa, licking the wall.  I didn't even ask.

Oh, just great, now two more of my staff are trying to lick my shins. WHAT is THAT about? DISTRACTING! I don't have time for this nonsense.  SECURITY! SECURITY!!!  ...  Oh. Well... It seems our Head of Security has taken her 2nd in command outside for some PT.  I suppose it IS important to be able to wrestle miscreants to the ground, so I guess I can understand the wrestling(although I do wish they wouldn't do so in mud puddles).  And the insane zoomies around the yard, well I get the importance of keeping up one's stamina in case one were to have to run down an intruder.  But I fail to see where the throwing of balls fits into the workplace.

FINALLY, the security team has returned. The big guy is assistant to our Head of Security.  Is it me, or does he look a little sheepish?  I KNEW they were pulling one over on me with that ball throwing nonsense! The small, shaggy-in-need-of-a-haircut(I mean come on, this is the workplace! At least TRY to look professional!) dude next to him, peeking out through that mop of hair, is one who kept stealing the large "chaise lounges" the other day.  He's acting all innocent now, but I've got my eye on him. He tries to distract me with kisses, but I'm not falling for it!  I've got work to do. Stay safe until next time.

UPDATE: The wall licker is now licking furniture... and no, I still have no idea.