Of backwards swan dives, mind melds, and "team bonding" activities

Monday April 5th 2020

Day 4672 of working from home.  Wait, what's that? ... I've been informed that I know darn well this is only day 21 of working from home and to quit being melodromatic.  😒

ANYWAY.
Today, my 8lb warrior of a co-worker, he of the snaggly teeth, fierce disposition and carrying knives in his boots, was stretched across my clavicles, pressing himself against my throat and under my chin, to ensure maximum contact for petting purposes.  This state of affairs persisted for quite some time, when out of nowhere- no warning given, no hint whatsoever- he hurled his crazy little self backward in some kind of insane backdive, somehow landing right in the crook of my arm, between my body and the arm of the couch.  This seemed to be his goal, because he stayed happily wedged there for the next hour, requiring belly rubs.  This whole situation of course intefered with my productivity, but HR turns a blind eye to whatever crazy this little lunatic comes up with. So I document...(CYA and all that)

Tuesday, April 6, 2020
Day 22 of working from home
11:15am
A member of the security team is attempting to undermine my diligent efforts to stay on-task and be productive. (Yes, yes, I was on FB, but I was on my school's Drama Club account.  I was participating in our online efforts to keep the kids engaged and aware that we are still thinking of them. I needed a break from trying to make Google Docs of the last 2 acts of Shakespeare's Othello via NoFear Shakespeare- and yes I got permission from them, I'm a dork like that).  I still need to finish creating a Google Doc for at least one more scene of the play so I can get it uploaded. But he is using his incredible mind melding powers to convince me to go outside and pratice throwing things.  Mind you, he never brings them back-- just happily bounds after the thrown object, nudges it with his nose, looks at me as if to say "Yep! There it is! Right there, see?!?" and happily bounds back to me, sans object.😒 I ask you...  But I digress. He's giving me those "puppy dog eyes"(there're reasons that term has become idiomatic!) and imploring me to please, PLEASE take them OUTSIDE or he just may EXPIRE  from abject MISERY. Right there in my chair. And THEN how will I feel about my choices?

This is a lot of pressure.  It's hardly fair, given the headaches I have subjected myself to trying to reach parents and students, field questions about their online work, learning new programs to facilitate posting online work... I don't need this pressure from our security department. The Head of Security is no help at all.  I honestly think she enourages him.

Wednesday April 7
12:30am
The Head of Security is in the bathtub.  This storm with it's nonstop rolling thunder has proven more than she can cope with at this moment. Poor baby. It really is one humdinger of a storm.  The thunder has rolled literally nonstop for the past half hour. I've never experienced a storm like it.  And I mean literally- it's like an actual drumroll with no breaks between one clap of thunder and the next. I don't think we need to share this with HR, so we'll keep it just between us, m'kay?

5:34pm
I am just finishing my school work for the day.  My coworkers were uncharacteristically quiet most of the day.  I had two work related phone calls, and only had to use the mute feature a few times.  They even (mostly) held it together when the mail lady came! I mean, sure, some of my smaller colleagues have been licking my toes or my shin here and there, and as usual there is much loafing around and sleeping on the ottoman or couch, but they haven't been yelling out the windows(as much) nor arguing with one another. Maybe HR is making some headway! Will wonders never cease?  I think I'm going to take the whole office outside for some Team Bonding activities.

6:00 pm
I am not sure if this is what HR had in mind when they told me we needed "Team Bonding".  Are aimless running around, yelling ferociously at passersby, or digging under fences HR approved activities?  I need to check the policy manual.  I'm fairly certain that full body contact at speed is discouraged, but these workers just don't seem to care. It's also being made obvious that the new(ish) guy, Smokey Joe, is not yet adept at "working well with others." That said, he's not biting his coworkers as often these days, so that gives me at least something positive for his personnel file.

I'd love to hear from any readers about how things are going with their coworkers during this work from home situation!